I have been successfully healing from complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) for the past nine years. In 2014, I couldn’t get off the couch for more than one hour per day, but todays I live a very active and fulfilling life. However, I am still healing, and that means I still have moments where the symptoms of this chronic-but-curable illness seem to crest like a huge wave on an ocean, right before they break.

That’s what they did today.

I want to share with you what a healing wave can look like, so that when you go through one, it doesn’t catch you off-guard.

A Promising Start

It all started when my husband and I instituted a daily date during our daughter’s nap-time, where we get to spend two, uninterrupted hours focused on being with each other. In our old life, we used to do this after our daughter went to bed every night, but in this new life—where we live together in a 176 square foot camper—her nap-time is our only real opportunity.

Our daily date began one week ago: we made dessert together, played cards, made out, cuddled until we fell asleep, argued, or talked about what was on our hearts—anything and everything we wanted to do, with no expectations—and it was good, very good! I didn’t realize how much we had missed each other (ever since we moved out of our town house into our camper three moths ago) until we started spending quality time together, again.

What also started happening was that pockets of sorrow in my heart started coming out because there was time, space, and safety to do so again: sorrow about not knowing how to connect with a man, because I had no intimate father figure growing up—a form of neglect—and later, sorrow about sexual grooming I experienced in high school by a man I used to trust—a form of abuse. Each experience led to a mini inner-healing session in which my husband or I invited the traumatized (AKA dissociated) part of me to speak about how she felt when she experienced that neglect or abuse and what she needed to make it right. Then, I invited God or my husband (who now represents trusted men to me) to make it right for that wounded part. Then, I invited her to integrate with the rest of me until I experience a brief euphoria, which tells me it worked. Easy! (I have been doing this over and over since 2017, and it is the basis of how I have reintegrated so much of my previously-dissociated brain.)

An Overdose of Happiness

But yesterday’s inner healing was so big that my body didn’t just experience a moment of euphoria; it was flooded with happy-molecules (endorphins) for hours and hours. As a results I went to sleep feeling incredibly happy, but when I woke up in the morning, my body felt absolutely exhausted. It was almost like my body overdosed on happiness throughout the night and was working through an emotional hangover in the morning.

I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I did. I went to church but I couldn’t stay in the service. I walked around the outside of the church for an hour in order to trigger the release of some relaxation hormones into my body (because walking is really good for me, and for you.)

I began to feel a little better so, in the middle of my walk, God told me to visit some people smoking cigarettes at the picnic table in the church parking lot. They spoke like they were living hard lives full of brokenness. I offered prayer to all five of them, and three women accepted. We prayed it out, some cried, some heard the Holy Spirit, some just felt loved. I walked back into the service to find my husband at the end. I still felt physically horrible, but my spirit sure was strengthened by seeing God touch those women outside!

We furthered enjoyed a bit of fellowship with a man from church, before we headed home. I felt sick in the car. I decided I was just going to crash for the rest of the day, and stay in bed. So that’s what I did for a couple of hours.

My husband, who has been walking with me on my healing journey, took over caring for our daughter, as he always does when my body enters shut down mode. I used to feel bad for him, but I realized that doesn’t help either of us. Now, I’m just grateful for his willingness to create space for me to heal from this chronic-but-curable illness, and I look for other ways I can bless him.

An Intervention by God

After a few hours in bed, I decided to get out of the camper to try to do some active self-care that would rebalance my body. I got in the car to go to the gym, and phoned a friend who has the spiritual gift of healing on the way. I told her what was going on (again), and she heard the Holy Spirit say, “The healing process doesn’t have to take you out.” Then she commanded my body to be rebalanced in Yeshua’s name, and… it was! The change was almost instant. By the time I got to the gym, 15 minutes later, I was ready to do a full workout!

The Healing Wave

Did you see the pattern of a wave in my story?

• First, I created space for my body to build a wave by creating calm in the ocean of my soul
• Then, the wave began to form by showing signs of distress (in this case, sorrow)
• The wave crested when I did an integration, which turned sorrow to joy
• The wave crashed when the joy overwhelmed my body (which isn’t used to that much joy)
• My crashed body felt sluggish and imbalanced; normally, it would have taken two or three days to recover (and in the beginning of my healing journey, it used to take two or three weeks)
• God intervened and brought back the calm in the ocean of my soul earlier than the natural process; that’s why therapy with Yeshua is WAY FASTER to heal than therapy without

An Encouragement to You

If you’re pursuing healing, you’ll need to recognize such patterns as an indication of progress (not reverting). Healing the soul takes surgery and rehab, then more surgery and more rehab. It’s not a linear process, but over time, you will see the upward trend.