Loving the Unlovable

I’ve been meditating on an important question, lately: “How do you love someone who cannot recognize love?” This morning, when I asked my Father God this very question, he replied, “Exactly,” as in, “That’s my problem, too.” That made me sad for him, for he is all-love, all-the-time.

Being Starved for Love

I spent many years being so starved of love that when people approached me in love, I couldn’t receive it. I assumed they had ulterior, selfish, or harmful motives for saying or doing the kind thing that they did. In reality, it was my own heart wounds that prevented my heart from getting the nutrient it needed to be healed: love. I had formed an inescapable barrier of protection against anyone who wanted to harm me, and because I assumed that everybody wanted to harm me, it also protected me from anyone who wanted to love me.

It didn’t happen very often, these random acts of love by acquaintances or strangers, but when it did, it perplexed me for days: “Why would someone say that? What could they really be thinking?” or “What could they have gained by doing that for me?” Suspicion ran rampant in my mind because I had never grown up with random acts of love done solely for my benefit. Instead, every act-of-kindness came with a price: “Remember when I did that for you? And now you do this to me? You ungrateful child!” At a certain point, I decided I didn’t want to pay the secret-price of receiving kind-looking-acts from dark-hearted people anymore, so I blocked all acts-of-kindness out of my life.

Healing from Abundant Love

Then, the real, living, breathing, SPEAKING God came along: Father, Son, and Spirit. When my body crashed from PTSD-induced chronic fatigue syndrome, and I cried out to God for help, and he/she led me to a team of people who invested in my well-being at a cost to them, not the other way around. They spent their time, money, and energy on helping me heal my heart by spending time with me, asking me probing questions about how I’m doing and really listening, encouraging me, letting me cry in front of them without rushing me, hosting me at their house, going on a trip with me, or giving me therapy at a 75% discount. Looking back, this one-year period was a very precious time in my life because their abundant, selfless love forced my heart to open up to receiving love.

Sad for Those Rejecting Love

As I write this blog, I’m sitting on a cafe patio, watching a homeless woman who God told me love. I approached her with a smile, told her my name, and offered to buy her food and a drink from the cafe. At first, she smiled and said I could buy whatever I choose, but then suspicion entered her mind: “Are you…” she began to ask, as she started going through the possibilities in her head. “Never mind. No, thank you,” she concluded and walked away. I told her that if she changed her mind, she could let me know. Then, I went back to my table.

Father God wanted her to experience his abundant love, but she couldn’t recognize it, and she walked away. Do you know anyone like that? Someone who refuses help while moving, a free meal after giving birth, or help carrying heavy things up the stairs? Me, too. They’re everywhere. They used to include me.

How many times do we still do that to the loving acts that God does for us?

Reframing Our Struggles

Perhaps the struggle you are in right now is the process needed to answer that prayer you’ve been praying. God may have put you into that struggle to form your character and strengthen your spirit. If you try to escape your struggle, you will have less pain in the short term, but you will also close the door to God being able to answer your prayer in the long term. Putting you into that struggle is an act of love, but you may not yet recognize it. I might not yet recognize it.

Not every struggle is from God, but the ones that are from God are worthy to be overcome, because after the struggle comes great reward.

God, help us persevere so that we can receive your reward.

Amen.