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40 Days of Faith – Day 33 | Family Meeting

“It is never the external situation that causes a conflict; it is always the internal situation.”

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The Status

On Day 33 of our #40daysoffaith adventure moving from MD to CO on the word of God, our daughter launched into the world—by attending her first day of preschool! That meant that my husband and I could have a family meeting for the first time in a month.

About a year ago, God led me to the realization that I had a lot of resentment built up against my husband because I carried the full burden of our family finances. At the time, I earned most of our income and I also paid all the bills. This, combined with some brokenness and fear in the area of finances, led to significant worry over how we were going to pay for the things we wanted to buy or do. My husband, on the other hand, had no worry—and that’s what I resented the most.

One night, we fought well, and I told him how I felt. I told him I needed him to sit with me twice a month to discuss every bill, make very payment, and strategize about our finances. He was surprised that I felt so much resentment when I had been the one to volunteer to handle all the finances, but agreed to my demands.

Over the next year, we fought a lot during those family finance meetings. We aired out resentments, spoke out loud unspoken expectations, set boundaries, apologized, and tried again. It was both hard and painful.

But today, when we had our first family finance meeting since my big inner healing over a week ago, it went smoothly! We didn’t argue about a single thing!!! We were on the same page with our priorities and our processes. We were both equally empowered to manage our family resources and it showed. That we didn’t argue when our finances have been the least “sure” in two years speaks volumes! It is never the external situation that causes a conflict; it is always the internal situation.

The Takeaway

It turns out that resentment is a silent killer of marriage, and every other relationship—

“Look-intently so that there is no falling-short of the favor of God, so that no root of bitterness crowds it out, and by this, stains many-others. Hebrews 12:15 (from the Interlinear)

When a person practices keeping unspoken expectations that go unfulfilled, it can lead to resentment, and eventually to bitterness. The more these patterns are practiced, the more engrained they become and the faster the path of moving from unspoken expectations to bitterness happens. Over time, the neural networks that lead to bitterness look like the root systems of a strong plant or tree—and they become difficult to undo.

But God. God loves my marriage and he/she is continuing to walk it from glory to glory to glory.

The Prayer

God, what you ask us to do is both easier than what man demands and harder at the same time. But your ways are so worth it, in the end. Keep leading us into your light. Amen.

The Challenge

What is your #40daysoffaith adventure and how did Day 33 go? In what area might you have resentment or bitterness from which God can help you get free?

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