Prayer is one of the most powerful weapons believers have, but most people’s prayers have no power, so they don’t see the miracles they want to see. Thus, many believers have concluded that doing miracles must not be in God’s will.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Instead, when we don’t see the miracle for which we prayed, we should change how we pray until we get results. In this post, I share about one aspect of prayer that God has been teaching me to change. Perhaps it also applies to you in an area of your life where your prayers have not yet been answered.
Unanswered Prayers for Salvation
I was recently rewatching a video journal entry I had created for myself in 2018. In the video, I was recounting, among other things, my struggles with the toxic dynamics in my family. You see, in 2018, I was still single and living back at home with my parents. (I did not want to or need to move back home, but I did out of obedience to God, who had directed me to do so.) I hated being there because I hated watching my parents make destructive decisions that hurt themselves, me, and others over and over again. For twelve years, I had done everything I knew to lead them to Christ and obeyed everything I had heard God say to do. For twelve years, I had begged God to save them. Yet, I was not seeing the any good fruit in their lives. By the recording of the video in 2018, I became frustrated because God was not answering my prayers for their salvation.
God’s Insight Into My Unanswered Prayers
So…there I was in 2022, watching this video of me tearfully expressing my frustration when, all of a sudden, I heard a loud thought pass through my mind. “WRONG MOTIVES”, said the thought. I knew it was the Lord speaking to me. So, I rewound the video and I watched again. “WRONG MOTIVES. DO YOU SEE?” said the thought, again. I became curious about what God was trying to say, so I paused the video and asked God to explain what he/she was saying to me. I gave the thought permission to speak freely, and I listened.
That’s when I heard the explanation: “YOU GREW UP IN A TOXIC FAMILY, AND YOUR HEART GOT WOUNDED AS A RESULT. BY 2018, YOU WERE STILL NOT HEALED OF YOUR CHILDHOOD WOUNDS. SO YOU WANTED YOUR PARENTS TO GET SAVED BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE THEM LOVING PEOPLE AND YOU WANTED THEM TO BE LOVING SO THAT YOUR HEART COULD STOP HURTING. WRONG MOTIVES!”
The Lord continued: “YOU WANTED YOUR PARENTS TO GET SAVED SO THAT YOUR PAIN COULD GO AWAY. YOUR PRAYERS FOR THEM WERE REALLY ABOUT YOU; BUT I WON’T SAVE THEM JUST SO THAT YOU CAN AVERT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO HEAL YOUR HEART.”
Wow. I was surprised at the idea but when I watched the video a third time, I could easily see what God was talking about. 2018-me wanted her parents to become loving people because her codependent emotional state depended on theirs and she wanted them to heal the damage they had done to her heart. Today-me knows that way of thinking is a lie. Thanks to growing and healing with God and my husband for the past three years, today-me knows that my emotional state is my responsibility and only I can heal my own heart.
2018-me wanted her parents to become loving, healthy people because her emotional state depended on theirs… Today-me knows that… is a lie.
Tenay Benes, tenaybenes.com
Delayed Prayers for Right Motives
In a moment, I knew in my heart that God has been delaying my parents’ salvation until my heart was healed of the wounds they had caused. And the scripture rang out in my mind:
“You have not because you ask not, and when you ask, you ask with wrong motives” James 4:2-3
I have gotten to the place where I don’t need my parents to be loving for me to be happy. I don’t need my mom to stop her destructive behaviors. I don’t need my stepdad to stop his enabling. I don’t need my sister to get healing. I don’t need my brother to stop blaming me for his pain. I can be happy while they are miserable for the rest of their lives. I don’t want them to be miserable for the rest of their lives; I would much prefer that they became delivered of their oppressors and healed in their heart, but I will give them the dignity of choosing their own fate, wherever it leads them. Should it lead them to God, I will be open to having whatever relationship God tells me will be fruitful.
Until then, I know God will answer my prayers when they are ready to meet him/her, and not before for my sake.
How about you? Stop and ask God if there are any prayers in your life that have come from false motives. This experience need not cause guilt or shame, it can just be God bringing something hidden out into the open. Then share in the comments or send me a message with what you heard.
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