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40 Days of Faith – Day 12 | Fighting Well

The Situation

On Day 12 of our #40daysoffaith adventure moving from MD to CO on the word of God, we put into practice one of the hard marriage-healing lessons we have been learning the last two years: we had a fight, and we fought well.

We fought for a good ten minutes, emoting our anger, frustration, fear, and disappointment. We shared our perspectives about how the other person’s brokenness may be coming out in his or her behavior. At the end, we both agreed to go to God individually to ask if there is some healing to be done in our own hearts, then come together again afterwards for resolution.

Despite that speed-bump, we got our showers, dishes, and laundry done in time to have lunch on the rooftop of Kid Rock’s restaurant in downtown Nashville (pictured). Our kid loved dancing to live music, and my husband loved that I requested and dedicated one of the songs from our early marriage to him.

Spotify embed of “In Case You Didn’t Know” by Brett Young

The Takeaway

Why am I sharing this not-so-pretty part of our marriage with the world? Because it’s real—and it may help someone else heal their own marriage.

You see, we were two highly intentional people who came together in marriage with a huge blind spot: we unknowingly brought dysfunctional patterns of codependency from our families-of-origin into our relationship, which led to a build-up of resentment that threatened our love. Learning how to fight well has been crucial to stopping the cycle of mind-reading, manipulation, control, and resentment upon which codependent marriages (and other relationships) function. Part of fighting well is doing it right then and there, being honest and emotive about how we are feeling, being as non-accusatory as possible, and keeping the focus on resolving the issue so that we can return to relationship. Easy to say—it has required lots of practice to learn how to do!

Ironically, we were fighting about being late, and I thought it was interesting that despite feeling like we were running out of time to do all we wanted to do today, we were willing to be even more late because we have learned the value of a good fight. In fact, my husband jokes that we should schedule our fights in regularly because we feel so much better after them. Haha!

“…my husband jokes that we should schedule our fights in regularly because we feel so much better after them.”

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The Prayer

God, I remember your faithfulness to heal our broken parts all these years and bring joy into every part of our marriage. You take us from glory to glory to glory, and we welcome your good work. Whatever it takes, God, we are ready to do, so that we can be the picture of the marriage you want to see between Yeshua and his bride. So be it—amen.

The Challenge

What is your #40daysoffaith adventure and how did Day 12 go? How has being more honest, and more vulnerable helped you in some way on this journey?

3 responses to “40 Days of Faith – Day 12 | Fighting Well”

  1. […] frustrations and lose our marriage to bitterness. Of course, the one stipulation is that we have to fight well—for the purpose of reconciliation—and that is sometimes harder to do than it is to […]

  2. […] we have learned to fight well—to air out our resentments—so that we can move towards our goal of restoring and repairing our […]

  3. […] & My Family Story 40 Days of Faith – Day 11 | My God Story & My Family Story 40 Days of Faith – Day 12 | My God Story & My Family Story 40 Days of Faith – Day 13 | My God Story & My Family Story 40 Days of Faith […]

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