Get Inspired Into Healing

Hurry Up and Heal Already!

My husband and I had a fight, tonight. That’s not anything new; we have learned to schedule in regular fights so that we don’t internalize our frustrations and lose our marriage to bitterness. Of course, the one stipulation is that we have to fight well—for the purpose of reconciliation—and that is sometimes harder to do than it is to say.

Out of the Mouths of Wives

Tonight, resentment came out of my mouth when my husband rebuffed a recommendation I had. My husband was not doing something I wanted him to do, and after not mentioning it to him for years (in an effort to be an agreeable wife), it had formed a pocket of resentment in my heart. Apparently, stuffing doesn’t work so hot.

The fight got worse over a ten minute period, so he took the car to be by himself. I took the baby and started doing laundry. We both needed to go to our corners to rest before we went in for another round.

What is the Source?

I began to inquire of God about the fight. Did the words coming out of my mouth belong to me? Or were they a passing temptation I didn’t stop in time? Was there a heart-wound from which they came? Or some sort of spiritual attack Satan conducted through me to him?

“Why won’t he do what I want him to do??” I asked God. “Because I’ve been healing him from having to do that all his life, when he didn’t want to. I’ve been healing him of the spirit of slavery,” God replied. This was not news to me as my husband used to “do the right thing” even if it killed him—and sometimes, it certainly killed parts of him, like some important parts of his heart he had to shut off to survive doing the “right” thing. “Ok, but surely he can’t live his whole life never doing this thing, again! I mean, no adult can adult like that.” “Of course not,” replied God, “and he will figure that out soon.”

What God was telling me was that my husband was not being lazy or obstinate; he was obeying God’s guidance so that God could heal his heart. “Dang it!” I said, “so you’re saying he’s still healing. Well, why am I sooo resentful?” I asked God. “Because—it’s been hard to do it all by yourself all these years.”

Tears!

Yes! It HAS been hard. It’s been hard to wait on him to heal. I thought it would be over by now! Why hasn’t he healed, yet?

“I don’t want to carry this burden anymore,” I replied. “Don’t worry, you won’t have to,” God said.

Unraveling Roots

I realized that while I was fighting well in the car by using I-statements, and giving specific examples, what I wanted to scream towards the general direction of my husband was, “HURRY UP AND HEAL ALREADY! WHAT’S TAKING YOU SO LONG?!”

It turns out that although I have silently waited on my husband to be healed all these years, I didn’t wait with patience. I just waited with expectations, which went unfulfilled, which turned to disappointment, which turned to resentment, which turned to bitterness, which turned into this fight.

Of course, I’ve also been healing for the past few years—all of our marriage, in fact!

I’ve also left some big burdens for my husband to carry.

I’ve also not adulted because God told me I didn’t have to… up until I realized that such guidance is only for a season.

I’ve also, I’ve also, I’ve also.

😞

Hurry up and heal already, Tenay. Your beautiful life is waiting.

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