This afternoon, my husband and I opened up the can-of-worms that is our finances. We realized that we are both struggling with different heart wounds and spirits of fear right now that are playing off of each other.
Fortunately, we have learned to fight well—to air out our resentments—so that we can move towards our goal of restoring and repairing our relationship. That’s what we began to do, but as I started speaking, I realized I wasn’t mad at my husband at all… I was mad at God!
God, who let my last business fail.
God, who promised me success, but all I got was a $30,000 loss.
God, who watched my business stay at the barely-surviving stage for five, long years.
God, who wouldn’t let me quit even though it never got better.
God, who promised he would be with me, but I felt so alone.
God, whose voice I sought and obeyed, but my breakthrough never came.
God, who recently made me start another business—one that he might also let fail.
You better believe I’m mad at God! I spent years trying to build a business on treating people the way Hod wants them to be treated, but all I got were a bunch of fake relationships (except for four, which I cherish) and a lot of heartache.
Disappointment.
Failure.
Fear.
I felt abandoned.
So here I am, with all this anger. The only thing I know to do is to tell God exactly how I feel—tears and all, mad words and all—so that I can air out all this resentment and bitterness in my heart towards him regarding entrepreneurship. Only then, can I hope to have any real improvement in our relationship in this area.
Okay, God; your turn.
2 responses to “Being Mad at God”
I went through a similar time of being mad at God, only years later to realize it wasn’t God’s fault. It was mine! I had to own it and do some serious changing in my thoughts, actions and in my faith. I was the one going in the wrong direction not God. I had to relearn and get into the Word more and do a lot more REAL listening to the Holy Spirit. I’m still working on it, but I’m no longer mad at God and can hear His will and submit to Him a lot easier. When I did that, I began to see God change my situation, my heart AND my marriage. God IS good!
Thanks for sharing your testimony! Yes, that always how it ends up with me, too…. Realizing I misunderstood or was wrong… and I’m working through it, but I’ve learned that acknowledging my anger is a necessary starting point for real repentance. ❤️
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